Puccini’s passing has taught me to acknowledge loss and to feel all of the emotions that arise from it. In the past, I felt as though I had to get over those feelings quickly or, at the very least, put on a facade and keep my sadness hidden. Now, however, I understand that grief stays with you. It ebbs and flows and manifests in many ways.
I will continue to move forward in life, but everything will be colored a little differently with hues of grief—some subtle, some blatant.
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| The first several rows of the Lil Log Cabin Blanket, pattern by Rohn Strong. |
I began crocheting this blanket back in January—almost a year ago. I last made progress with it shortly before Puccini got sick and left us. I remember taking breaks and spreading it on the floor to see how it was shaping up. The princess always lied on it with approval.
I tried working on it during the summer, but I messed up because I wasn't really paying attention. I wound up frogging it back to where it was when Puccini last rested on it.
I did complete three projects this year, which were given as gifts to family members, but coming back to this blanket.. I feel pangs in my heart.
But I will complete it and probably keep it. The last project that Puccini was physically involved with.
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| G-Dubs helping fold the laundry. |
Puccini’s absence has left extra space around me. Big Grey and Cheddar have been attentive, which is unsurprising because they along with Puccini formed my little trio of constant companions. Surprisingly, Marble has been more affectionate, and G-Dubs… well! She has been super lovey-dovey, joining me during yoga, lying on my head, cozying up next to me while I work, and running up to me for rubs.
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| Taking a slow approach to art for the new year. |
As we enter a new year, what are my intentions? Primarily, I will acknowledge that I am doing enough. Yes, responsibilities of living still need to be addressed, but I will recognize that I am doing enough in any given moment.
I will slow down and make do with less. I will remove the idea that I must produce a new artwork every day. I will use the materials that I have on hand and resist the urge to buy more (unless warranted). I will engage in slow crafting while maintaining awareness of all around me.
I will notice the precious moments with the cats and fill up their memory book.
The following quote from the letters of Jack Kerouac has stayed with me lately:
Maybe that's what life is… a wink of the eye and winking stars.
