Gabriella Paiella interviewed John Malkovich for GQ, which was published in late May. What follows is an excerpt that seems a poignant reflection on the idea of self.
I was reading an oldRolling Stone profile of you and Charlie Kaufman is quoted as saying that he wrote Being John Malkovich because, you “have this quality of unknowability, you can't look into his eyes and know what's going on inside his head. You're closed off." I was wondering if you would, first of all, agree with that assessment and, if so, how much is intentional and how much of that is just innate?
I think if any of it's true then it's just innate. I mean, Charlie is, obviously, much cleverer than I am. He's observing me. I'm not observing me at all. I never think of me. I never think about “who am I?” “What is my place in the world?” Et cetera. It's never been a big interest of mine, me.
I don't really think about my qualities, alleged or actual. Am I closed off? Well, yeah, but I don't think in any even notable fashion, let alone sort of extraordinary or especially exemplary fashion. I mean, isn't everybody closed off?
When you say that you don't think about yourself in the world do you mean as a human being or in regards to the nature of your celebrity and how it relates to the world?
Both. It's just not something I think about. Gary Sinese, when we were kids at Steppenwolf, he directed a hilarious play of Sam Shepard's called Action. I always remember a line that’s always made me laugh and when Gary directed it he made the actors shout every personal pronoun. The line was: "I'm looking forward to MY life. I'm looking forward to ME, the way I picture ME."
See, I just don't think that way. I don't picture myself. I don't think about myself. I don't think about my effect on people. It's just not part of my existence really. I'm never offended at what people say, really. Usually I think, "Oh, that's interesting" but I never think about it unless someone asks me and then I forget about it in five seconds.
That seems like a fairly healthy way to move through the world.
Well, you know, it's not on purpose. I think to a great extent I just think we're born a certain way and I don't know how much it changes. I'm afraid it doesn't change much. I can talk to my friends from kindergarten.
One goal of a mindfulness practice is to release the ego, which is funny because in order to move towards an ego-less state, one focuses tremendously on the self to chip away at it and to gradually reveal the true self, or no self. It can feel like a neverending journey, but with less ego, there is less concern for others’ opinions and perceptions of the supposed self, which in turn may lead to less emotional upheaval.
This is not a call to be ignorant or passive. It’s a way to find balance. Be aware of what is happening. Recognize any emotion that arises. Acknowledge the feelings and sensations in the body. Act from a place of clarity with deliberate intention.
Passing time caring for critters.
Creating while they nap.
